For some time now, articles by the leaders of various congregations have been published in the English-speaking internet space with titles such as, for example, “10 Women Christian Men Should Not Marry” (10 Women Christian Men Should Not Marry), “10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry” (10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry), or sarcastic reactions to the first article, “Don’t worry, dude, 10 women who don’t want to marry you” (Don’t worry, dude, 10 women who don’t want to marry you) and “10 More Women Christian Men Definitely Should Not Marry” (10 More Women Christian Men Definitely Should Not Marry). Such reactions were provoked by the women deemed unfit for Christian marriage who were named in the first article, among whom are the “feminist,” the “careerist,” a woman older than the man, or a woman who is divorced. A few days ago, an article appeared on the website of CBE (Christians for Biblical Equality) titled “A Partner, Not a Patriarch: 10 Types of Men to Marry,” written by a married couple of Christian journalists – Naomi Krueger and Tim Krueger: A Partner, Not a Patriarch: 10 Types of Men to Marry
If you are a woman and you are looking for a partner rather than a patriarch, then these are the men worth considering…
1. No one.
Jesus was not married. So why must you necessarily be? For thousands of years unmarried Christian women have done world-changing work!
2. Loves Jesus (God).
A man who loves Jesus. He takes his faith seriously and takes meaningful, unique steps suited to his own personality in order to grow closer to God.
3. A feminist.
A feminist wears this title with pride and humility. He champions gender equality, stands up for women when men demean or oppress them, and encourages women to strive for leadership positions. He is able to look to women as mentors and spiritual leaders in his life and gladly accepts women’s suggestions and leadership. This person believes that mutuality in marriage is not only desirable, but biblical and fully Christian.
4. A man of compromise.
“Either my way or nothing” is not thinking worthy of this man. He is firm in his convictions, but is able to gladly change course under his wife’s influence. Sometimes that means taking the harder path and seeking options that would benefit both spouses, and at other times it means trusting his wife’s judgment and submitting to her.
5. Challenges stereotypes.
This man feels comfortable in his own skin. He chooses to ignore society’s expectations of what makes a man masculine, and instead he finds his identity in Christ. He knows his strengths and his weaknesses and is not ashamed to be himself. Likewise, he does not expect his wife to conform to gender stereotypes.
6. An enabler of opportunity.
This man is aware of his privilege of being a man in society and steps aside to allow women to take leadership positions. He notices the spiritual gifts of his sisters in Christ and encourages them to use them. As a husband, he rejoices in his wife’s accomplishments and encourages her to pursue her dreams. As a father, he has his daughters take risks and not be confined by culturally defined expectations.
7. Teachable.
A man who is teachable expects to be transformed in his relationship with his wife. He wants to learn from her and seeks out her wisdom. He is the opposite of the scoffer and the cynic. He knows that he is not competent in all things, and he is at peace with that.
8. A fellow minister.
This man is not always a pastor, but he works together with his wife to expand God’s kingdom. He wants to cooperate with his wife in following God’s calling, whatever it may be. This man identifies himself with Aquila, who worked together with Priscilla in leading the early church.
9. A sensitive man.
This man is able to feel deeply and freely express his emotions. He has great empathy for others, which leads him to act with compassion and generosity. He has a high level of emotional intelligence and is able to deal honestly with anger, fear, sorrow and joy. He is not afraid to be wounded and to seek help from his wife and others in his community when he needs it.
10. A family man.
Don’t fall for this so often touted label. A family man knows that a family can come in various shapes and sizes. He is ready to gladly take on the hard work of being a father, but he is also open to the possibility that, for various reasons, there may be no children in the family. If he has children from previous relationships, he carries out his role as a father with all seriousness. He also has room in his heart for his wife’s children from previous relationships. He will do everything to provide for his family, whether that means pursuing a career or staying home with the children. All decisions that affect the family he discusses together with his wife.
The article in the original language – “A Partner, Not a Patriarch: 10 Types of Men to Marry“, Naomi Krueger, 15.01.2015.
Translated by Aļesja Lavrinoviča
Proofreading – Milda Klampe